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I read a book titled Adult Children of Alcoholic Parents. It described the fear a child feels when they see their parents’ behavior become erratic and aggressive; it addressed their coping behavior to control their parents. As children, they impaled themselves on the sword of self-loathing when they couldn’t extract the love they wanted.  I think about a book titled Adult Children of Body Shaming and Canine Hating Dads—It will describe my shame when I brought my best friend home for a sleepover and my dad called her out for eating donuts for breakfast—the very donuts he bought for us—saying If you eat donuts you’ll get fatter My friend Sherry sighed I dropped my cruller and pulled her into my room Sorry Sherry my dad’s prejudiced against fat people because there aren’t any fat people in Korea I lied knowing there were fat people in Korea my mother’s older brother was an obese alcoholic wife-beater  but the family turned a blind eye because he was a medical doctor I lied to Sherry desperate to keep her friendship  I had lost Joanna last year I wanted friends it turned me into a manipulating people pleaser trying to impress them by showing off my dog at home It enraged my dad because he hated dogs people in Korea ate dogs it reminded him of his shame he grew up poor and lived with mice that he played with but then his family ate them rich people lived with pets he lived with food  He hated Korean dog and took it out on my dog with a two-by-four the same he used on me maybe the same one used on him by his alcoholic father He hated fat people because it meant they were eating better than him Envy ran in his veins and juiced every cell every thought every action Envy consumed his emaciated frame even as our family settled in a big house with big cars he was envious that we were eating better he called me out You’re fat  Why are you so fat even as he fed me donuts even as he snatched the biggest donut for himself even then it became bitter envy in his mouth.

Published in Fringe Poetry Magazine 2024.